About three years ago my ex wife upset me terribly. I don't remember the conversation we were having--I was probably talking about my mental and emotional state, and she said to me with a not nice and rather mean and unsympathetic tone, "why, because you'rer still in love with a dead girl." I didn't talk to her for a while. I told or maybe yelled at her don't speak to me unless it concerns the kids. I considered not talking to her ever again unless it was about our kids. Rama said to me weigh the positive and negatives of the relationship. If it's a net positive for you, maintain relations. If it's a net negative, detatch with love. I forgave her for the comment and we have a very good ex-spouse and co-parent based friendship. I often stay at her's and the kids' apartment when i visit NYC. A couple of months later I used the same analysis to break off relations with my father. Even after I forgave him I still maintained the break. I didn't speak to him for over a year. I still do not communicate with him unless we are together with the rest of the family. I applied the same analysis last June that resulted in my ceasing being an editor for all the Illumination Integrated Publications (net energy drain) but maintained a Medium friendship with Mehmet. My point is Rama's advice to me applies across the spectrum of all types of relationships. I'm going to turn this comment into a short published essay.