Complicated indeed. I perceive that a mother being jealous of a daughter is not as uncommon as one might think, but I can't speak to it personally.
Not long after my cataclysm caused instant spiritual awakening, I had many realizations about my father. The seemingly emotionally damaged and withdrawn man was in actuality a covert narcissist who had been secretly waging guerilla warfare against me since I was a child, because he was jealous of me. First he was jealous of how much my mother loved me and then he was jealous of my intellect, so he did everything in his power, all hidden from the view of others, to disempower me. I go back and forth between thinking he's a covert narcissist and that he is the rare male borderline and with many covertly narcissistic personality traits. The only difference is that if the latter he may actually love me whereas the former only pretends to love.
Why would a father be jealous of the love between a mother and a young boy? I actually think he has an unresolved oedipal complex regarding his own mother. As crazy or sick as that sounds, I'll recount a story. After I announced my decision to effectively end relations with him, I could tell he was playing the victim to my mother and making her feel she had to choose between us, and she is highly codependent with him so easy for him to manipulate. I texted him would he please stop interfering and making her feel she has to choose and let she and I have a relationship independent of him. He took that to mean that I was asking him to remove himself so I could have a quasi romantic relationship with my mother to replace all my failed attempts at marriage etc. His interpretation of my request proves my theory.
So getting back to the complexities, his machinations turned my mother somewhat emotionally dead too. She was a doting mom but without real connection. Thus I never received adequate love from either parent which caused me to desperately seek love and until I saw the light, I was a highly dependent/people pleasing and insecure person.
If anyone wants to read further about this, I published this in KTHT back in December 2020 https://medium.com/know-thyself-heal-thyself/why-i-canceled-my-father-bcb60831ee35 and followed up with this piece the following month in another pub: https://medium.com/grab-a-slice/canceling-my-father-the-ultimate-expression-of-empathy-dbf390772d26
