First, thank you for having the strength and courage to write so honestly and vulnerably.
That deal you struck, I do believe you can hold him to it. I write from time to time about suicide attempt prevention. I used to think I did so because of my friend's suicide and then earlier this year it occurred to me that it may also stem from some past life experiences. Perhaps I committed suicide or attempted it. I haven't gotten around to asking my not-incarnated spirit guides in a channeled session with my psychic medium.
Earlier this year, while getting a ride to NYC, an NPR radio interview caught my attention. I never listen to interviews in the car, so I felt the occurrence was synchronicity. The person being interviewed, Clancy Martin, a philosopher who battles depression and has survived numerous suicide attempts, was discussing his new book, How Not To Kill Yourself, A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind. What resonated strongly with me was when he said the stigma around suicide/suicidal thoughts needs to be removed so that people having them don't feel guilt and shame over the thoughts and they can be told, e.g., "It's ok that you have these thoughts and you can always decide to kill yourself another day but you don't need to do it today." His point is that by being able to talk about it in this manner, the depressed person doesn't ruminate in the thoughts and doesn't feel guilty about having the thoughts and thus can get past them, as opposed to killing themselves to stop thinking about it. I ordered the book that day so I could read it and write about it. I haven't read it yet. Just now I moved it to a visible spot in the den so maybe I'll finally crack it soon.
My most read and engaged with story to date is my https://medium.com/illumination/dizain-of-suicide-72bcde4dc8d8, subtitled Along with my essay on matters of life and death, including suicide, from the perspectives gained on my nearly 10-year-and-counting and never-ending spiritual journey. You and some of your readers might feel pulled to read it. It tells the story of my meeting Andrew and our friendship and how a channeled conversation with his soul many years after he took his own life helped me avoid attempting to do so when I got mired in a deep episodic depression. It starts out with this dizain poem I wrote, titled We Are Only As Sick As Our Secrets
Suicide provides no relief at all
On ledge imagining end to my pain
Pavement streaming toward me will not end fall
Just before break solution becomes plain
My penance to help others to refrain
Thought my loved ones better off without me
Truth’s too likely they’ll header into sea
Had I known that death cannot be cheated
Baring deep secrets would cure malady
Death would not have left loved ones defeated
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PS: I just recalled that perhaps we recently discussed Andrew and his being a good actor/lawyer, but I don’t see that you read the essay — oh yes, now I recall, there’s a brief section about Andrew in my 2013 self-portrait. The essay I mentioned above describes our friendship in more detail and reveals more about how I fell into my depression.
