(Found my way here from Natasha's piece today.)

Seen plenty of what you describe, and seen men who do the same to their wives, and I myself, when I was a different person with a dependent personality, was involved for far too long with a borderline with extreme narcissistic traits.

I've also seen wonderful relationships and I still believe one day I will have one (I'm already 56 and twice divorced).

I saw your reply below about readers only wanting extremes and not liking nuance. I live in nuance or at least I try to and I try to balance out the extremes I see in people's stories with my comments.

When I was stuck in that toxic relationship I referred to above, a therapist asked me to describe a healthy romantic relationship. I was able to describe the opposite of what I was involved in but it still took me over a year and much anguish to break free. I wrote "that each partner should maintain their sense of self; no one should lose who they are to the relationship; it should be a partnership wherein each person maintains their autonomy."

I also require deep love. Many can make it work without that. I'll close with one of my favorite relationship quotes: “The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.” — Neale Donald Walsch from Conversations with God, Book 1