Having experienced the loss of a great and close friend to suicide, my lover to an accidental OD, and having survived a deep episodic depression and suicidal thoughts myself, I have written about all that in this piece with an eye towards suicide attempt prevention. https://medium.com/the-pom/dizain-of-suicide-72bcde4dc8d8 I know you have not mentioned suicide in this chain and I apologize if I am overreaching. A core belief of mine that is represented in my essay and responsive to your comment about asking God to let you die is that everyone's date of death is predetermined but how we live and how we die is very much the product of our free will.