I applaud you both for surving and for writing this and for the realization about it wasn't your day to die and for the discussion of shame. Suicide attempt prevention is something I write about from time to time. This is my most comprehensive work on the topic. https://medium.com/illumination/dizain-of-suicide-72bcde4dc8d8 It tells the story of my friendship with Andrew, who suicided and the channeled conversation I had with his soul many years later that saved my life from ruin the following year, and discusses the important work on suicide prevention by Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi death camps, and the epiphany I had a few years ago about dates of death being predestined and how if that were universally accepted it might save many as it saved you. I also link to great suicide awareness stories of others.