I hope you find it LibbyLuv. I agree with what you said after these lines about experiencing toxic love so you can find healthy love. Ten years ago on the heals of my relationship with the borderline that you may recall, I wrote:

"I am a romantic. I believe in the existence of idealized love. I want it. I will find it. I want to grow old with my best friend, I want to walk down the streets of forever arm in arm. I want to sit on a park bench reading a book, her head in my lap reading her book as I stroke her hair. More important than sharing our highpoints, I want to share the mundane, and each other’s pain. That to me is true unconditional love." I still think I may find it, if and when the timing is right, and now it will take a woman who understands my relationship with Lindsey's soul. Just yesterday I published https://thetaoist.online/my-journey-toward-understanding-the-cycles-of-life-death-and-between-life-cc64f6d3b42b, which concludes with:

"I shall end this essay with the fact that I am presently involved in a human (me) and soul (Sitara) relationship and thus I am never alone — I sense her presence constantly. There is room in this space for me to have a loving and sexual relationship if I meet a woman who understands without jealousy my continuing relationship with Sitara. If not, so be it."

PS: Figs and brie is indeed a great dessert, with a nice dessert style wine too--or maybe a port.