I identify with so much of this. I don't know what else to say. I haven't lost a spouse to suicide, but I lost very close friend to suicide, and another to de facto suicide, which I learned when I called his mother back not long after she had called me hoping he was with me, and the wail you described, I haven't lost a child, but it still describes what emanated from me when I found out my lover had passed suddenly and tragically.

Thank you for sharing your story.