I love this piece Scott. The various ways you describe the feeling--so well done. I highlighted many--the Vietnam one was particulary great.

I need to listen to more James.

Your story reminds me of a Sufi parable about a frog who lives in a well meeting a frog who lives in the ocean. https://spiritualgrowthevents.com/osho-spiritual-story-frog-in-the-well/?source=post_page-----dbc26640557f--------------------------------

I also kept coming back to a passage from Hesse's Siddhartha:

“'When someone seeks,' said Siddhartha, 'then it easily happens that his eyes see only the thing that he seeks, and he is able to find nothing, to take in nothing because he always thinks only about the thing he is seeking, because he has one goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal.'”