I read an excellent essay on this earlier this year. John Ege
’s Soul-Self Healing, Internal and external approaches to healing self, points out that many conflicts arise from pre-conceived assumptions based on the patterns people have encountered in their lives and that spiritual growth can ensue from each participant in the conflict examining their own role in the situation. In other words, which of their character defects, and let’s face it, we all have them, contributed to the conflict, in which when one fails to examine and at least admit to themselves their role, leads to resentment. Writers on Medium often refer to this self-examination as shadow work.

I cited that in my Why Do Good People Fear Their Own Shadow https://medium.com/@marcus17043/why-do-good-people-fear-their-own-shadow-8e5a921ac775, which you have read.

As synchronicity would have it, yesterday I ran into just such a situation with a friend in my own life. Out of respect for and request of that friend, I can't go into it.