I read the story. I'll take this a step further: Please Stop Telling Readers What To Do, Try telling your story in the first person narrative; lead by example, not by instructing. That's the title and subtitle of this piece I wrote a couple of years ago. https://medium.com/p/918d7adf128f "I seek to inspire by laying out in the open my flaws, imperfections, and traumas and describe how I have coped and grown and trust that the readers meant to learn from my story will connect on their own, rather than tell them they should connect."