I relate. Thank you for sharing your grief. Please accept my condolences. Keep writing Amy and mourn for as long and as many times as you need. I recently refined a thought I have written in essays and often leave in a response:

Infinitely deep are the pain pockets of grief — these voids cause and fill with tears at a moment's notice no matter how much time has elapsed, yet as that salty water continuously almost drowns drains, the infinite darkness of despair makes space for infinitely greater amounts of Light to enter our domains.

My dear Medium friend Anthi Psomiadou posted this short poem yesterday:

You will miss me when I die,

but I won’t miss you, no.

Dead bodies feel nothing,

and freed souls Know.

I'll close with this one-line tanka I posted three years ago:

Exit-date illusion souls do not dissipate still leaving all-too-real for somnambulists yet waking won’t salve grieving hearts