I understand what you are saying about our choice but I don't fully agree. There may be some choice but the emotion of grief gets triggered not by choice and depending on the nature of the relationship, it can come back at anytime no matter how much time has elapsed. How we process the grief, how long we stay in each particular episode, yes, choice plays a role there.

Regarding what you said elsewhere about God and suffering generally, the other day I caught a reel on instagram from one of the Oh God movies. I texted it to myself for use one day. It's on point here. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAU88BLRlfO/?igsh=eHNuYTFhamszM2J1