I will leave this well-written and well-constructed story open on my browser to reply fittingly when the time is right. For now, I refer you to an excellent essay on the nature of god by Gavin Sher, https://medium.com/interfaith-now/god-a-most-misunderstood-word-7b99d4491263, and two by Reverie and Emily Jennings respectively on the should-be-marriage of science and spirituality/religion: https://ladyreverie.medium.com/does-science-preclude-spirituality-269e5e50b345 and https://medium.com/mystic-minds/why-is-everyone-so-obsessed-with-science-these-days-b1737475abc6