I write about this from time to time, having experienced these feelings and thoughts over the suicide of a dear friend of mine in 2006. Here is a 5 minute version of our story and how it related to what I highlighted. https://medium.com/p/b6d28ac8b807 Here is a 17 minute version https://medium.com/the-pom/dizain-of-suicide-72bcde4dc8d8 which is actually my most read and commented in story and far and away has the most fans of any piece I have written.