I'm not sure it matters. Once an action is taken, even if it emanated from the unconscious, a self-aware person can recognize it and either rationalize it, not face it, or try to change. No one can change someone else. That is part of why empaths are so susceptible to falling into these toxic relationships with narcissists and why they prey on us. Many of us still think we can fix someone else. That's probably why I didn't break off relations with my father earlier and kept getting hurt by him. Once I finally realized that he was unwilling and incapable, I had to walk away. I don't know if anyone in my family will understand that I don't blame him and I actually forgive him but that forgiveness does not = reconciliation. https://medium.com/grab-a-slice/canceling-my-father-the-ultimate-expression-of-empathy-dbf390772d26