Or, you're just supposed to keep experiencing variations on themes already experienced. You mention below the theme of losses, and sudden ones. I relate, as you know ( Andrew's intentional suicide, Jason not caring enough to live, and Lindsey's accidental OD (today here, yesterday by you, would have been her 41st birthday)). Here's a poem about all three that I think predates you and I discovering each other https://medium.com/write-under-the-moon/a-ballade-to-my-dearly-departed-friends-and-lover-c69aa9903a32

Another theme I see repeating in my life is letting "crazies" in and not recognizing them as such in time to save me grief. A lot of borderlines. One possible psychopath. So far no sociopaths, lol. Let's hope I don't get there. I haven't published about the psychopath. Don't know that I will. It's all connected though.