So re AA not working for you, it didn't work for me either. I believe in the spirituality of the steps, and wrote this essay to suggest that everyone should practice 4, 5, 8, 9 and 10, https://medium.com/know-thyself-heal-thyself/spirituality-redefined-ff45cb53eaf2 (they should also be taught in high school) but AA has a God problem because too many groups stray from "of your understanding", https://medium.com/illumination-curated/12-step-programs-god-problem-dea17a6e0536 , and I wrote this essay about the dismal success stats in AA and how society needs to destigmatize substance abuse. https://medium.com/recovery-cultures/drilling-down-to-the-root-cause-of-addiction-7c57c5a3fd6c As for your dream, it's sooooo normal. Please don't let it bother you. Here's an essay by another writer about them. https://medium.com/illumination/your-drug-dream-isnt-an-omen-eeeb51c1ed5b I see now in his profile that a couple of years ago he wrote a series on them.