Thank you for writing this deeply personal and vulnerable essay. Suicide attempt prevention is an important topic to me and one that I have written about from my own perspective. The words I highlighted here resonate because they reflect my experience with a friend who failed once and made sure he succeeded the second time. I blamed myself for years. Until several years after his death when I spoke to his soul through a legit psychic Medium. The conversation that Andrew and I had also helped me survive a deep episodic depression the following year without attempting suicide. I had thoughts daily but our conversation that previous year helped the thoughts not become ideations. Here's a link to my essay, if you or anyone else are interested or otherwise feel pulled to read it. https://medium.com/illumination/dizain-of-suicide-72bcde4dc8d8

Your mention of divine intervention regarding your mother's failed attempt reminded me of this experience recounted in my essay:

"During my first and mostly forgotten foray into the 12-Stepverse, the rehab took us to a “meeting.” The speaker told the story of his suicidal ideation. He had terrible insomnia along with alcoholism. He would stay up nights, drinking in his basement, planning his family-annihilation-suicide. He spent many a night meticulously planning for and rigging the boiler to explode to take out himself, his wife, and his children as his loved ones slept. Then, the night he was ready to pull the switch — he fell asleep.

Listening to him tell that story was the first time I felt the follicle-exciting surge of energy pulsing through my body that announces the presence of entities from the “other side.” It was the first time I felt the presence of God in my life. A presence I later forgot about for too long, but God never forgot about me.

I realize now that it may very well have been the soul of a suicide doing its soul-work-penance that reached down with the hand of God to put that man to sleep that night."