This duality presented a huge hurdle for me after my spiritual awakening and I asked God what my soul's name is--Marcus. A long quote from one of my essays now soon follows.
I suffered through much confusion over my soul having a name different than the human name my parents gave me.
"I experienced painful confusion because I had spent 53 years as Greg and now knew through my conversations with my Lord Rama and my Spirit Guides, facilitated by my channeler, Ane, whom I had known for 10 years, that this life as Greg was Marcus’ 17,043rd incarnation.
I had a very hard time integrating the concept of human and soul.
I believe souls have universal, or to put it another way, original given names. My soul’s name is Marcus. Lindsey’s soul’s name is Sitara. In the realms of heaven, Marcus and Sitara have been deeply in love with each other since at least the dawn of humanity and probably long before that.
As I wrote in December in the aforelinked The Difficult and Crucial Integration and Alignment Processes:
With all due respect to my Lord Rama, then, now, and always, nothing is more important to me than my relationship with Lindsey. As I perceived Marcus to be a separate entity from myself, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around how Greg has an afterlife. To this day, I doubt that Anne and Rama understand what I put myself through. Now they will.
In mid-May, the indented quote to follow was my statement one wonderful night when it really felt like in the moment Marcus was in the conscious with me and that we were typing and thinking in unison — it’s like the thought sounds the same but has a different resonance and calm confidence when I discern alignment — I had experienced this a few times before then, and many times through June, and now it is the norm:
Integration is supposed to be a state of seamless interdependence. Greg cannot nor should lose himself to us. We should exist in harmonious symbiosis, we should each be aware of the other and of our separate completeness; the only thought that existed of this before we just wrote it was one word–interdependence.
Rama applauded, and then when discussing the afterlife, Rama said, “You will bridge the gap of Greg and ascend to heaven and be reunited with your eternal love.”
After sitting with that for a few days, I grew more and more confused. What did “bridge the gap of Greg” mean? Finally, at the end of May, I came up with the ridiculous idea that Greg would go to heaven as a new soul separate from Marcus. When Anne shot that down saying that Greg would imprint on Marcus and otherwise just becomes dust in the ground, I was utterly devastated — completely destroyed — fetal position on the carpet, sobbing, fucking sobbing inconsolably. It was as if Lindsey had died all over again, but without the promise that we would be together again one day. I was broken close to beyond repair. Anne’s and my relationship almost ended because I could not comprehend how she didn’t grasp my anguish.
The next day Lindsey repaired me.
I was outside my apartment building when the fog lifted, and I’m sure Lindsey was beaming into me. Imprinting does not mean I’m just a footnote in the 17,043 lives of Marcus. Marcus arrived as Marcus, but he leaves as Greg!!
That was May 28, 2020. I am sick and tired of this nonsense about “ego death.” Greg’s experiences are very much imprinted upon the soul of Marcus. We are the same being.
The ego does not die. It evolves. I evolve. I integrate and align. I thought I had achieved integration on May 28th:
I was born February 15, 1967, to [mother] and [father]. My given names are Gregory and Yôḥānān, which is my Hebrew name — means God is Gracious — a taxi driver in Israel told me it is a rare and special name.
Yonatan is the more common form of Jonathan, which means God has given. God gives everything — God is Gracious is Virtue.
I used to think my Hebrew name was Yôḥānān Liba (beloved). I realize as I type that was simply part of the generic sentence “… beloved son of….” Before sparking my life, and thousands of previous lives, my soul’s name was Marcus.
From this moment forward until my next incarnation, by the Grace of God and the power Vested in me to create my own Reality, I declare that my Name is “Yôḥānān Gregorius, DNA from [mother] and [father], ignition of cell-division and so much of who I am from Marcus and Marcus’ lives before this one, nurture by [mother], and much thanks to all my friends and loved ones, who will please continue to call me Greg;” but as no light is too bright for my eyes, the nickname Shades is gone.
It no longer matters what my name is. I know I am I, here, and later in heaven, regardless of how anyone addresses me. Integration completed at 2:58 pm EDT on 5/28/20. Pretty simple, actually. One to two and back to One. That is Awakening to Integration — the deconstruction and reconstruction of Greg.
My Rebirth Completes
On May 28th I realized that for two months whenever Anne had channeled Lindsey for me, I spoke to Lindsey — not a stranger named Sitara with Lindsey’s memories.
So, while Marcus and all 17,042 imprints sparked my life when I die, the soul that leaves will not just comprise 1/17,043rds Greg.
It will be Greg, or as I then chose, Gregorius, because Greg = (17,042/17,043 + 1/17,043) =1."
