This is really tremendous work, Tree. I hope the pub nominates it for a boost. Regardless, congratulations from me. As you see, I highlighted much and could have highlighted more. I like your term allowance. I like it very much. You use it to distinguish acceptance as most define the term, yet it's very similar to my concepts of acceptance, https://medium.com/p/86877724cd6b, which include such thoughts as this from "The Big Book" of AA:

“Shakespeare said, ‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.’ He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here.” [emphasis added]

Your concept of allowance also incorporates what I read from columnist David Brooks over two years ago in his message to moderates on both sides of the Left/Right political spectrum: "Moderation is not an ideology; it is a way of being. It stands for humility of the head and ardor in the heart. When you listen to your neighbor, you see how many perspectives there are and you’re intellectually humble in the face of that pluralism. When you listen to your neighbor, you see that deep down we’re the same and you hunger to deepen that connection."

In other words, moderation, regardless of where you fall on the political compass, allows the space to agree not to agree. See my only story ever further distributed: https://medium.com/illumination-curated/can-we-please-all-find-the-space-within-which-to-breathe-the-same-air-and-agree-not-to-agree-6b6b2c8077ec

Your term and your discussion also evoke the work that philosophers do on the concept of recognition. As I have learned from reading Douglas Giles, PhD on Medium, philosophically, recognition "means to respect and value, that I recognize you as a person and therefore I treat you as a person ought to be treated...More than teaching us abstract moral rights and wrongs, recognition norms teach us what we should value in other people and how we should reward those who behave properly and reprove those who do not. This unwritten social contract of mutual recognition is second nature to us as social beings; it is an integral part of our ethical life and social fabric. With recognition, moral conduct like honesty, loyalty, hard work becomes more than exercises for their own sake, they become means to orient ourselves in the social world and be successful in our social endeavors. See Douglas's https://medium.com/inserting-philosophy/a-concept-little-known-outside-academic-philosophy-may-be-the-key-to-social-justice-648e04732238

Both sides in the Israel-Hamas conflict do not recognize each other and have engaged in dehumanization. Other than getting into a disagreement with a friend of over 30 years off platform and a few comment pane disagreements on Medium with those tossing around terms that I disagree with, I have tried to stay in the lane of, "My thoughts and prayers go out to all the innocents in both Israel and Gaza and any others who may get injured or kidnapped or die from a cause at the hands of others or who will live in fear or trauma from these or related events."

I applaud you for doing the same here and for staying above declaring to which side you lean and stating philosophically and spiritually a process that somehow might make a difference.