well put--at first reminded me of Hesse's quote, “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself,” and as many note Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” but those are not really saying what you said, which is equally as insightful and while I was looking back at my essay that has those quotes, https://marcus17043.medium.com/why-do-good-people-fear-their-own-shadow-8e5a921ac775, I came upon this that I had found in a blog:

"When someone causes you no harm or slight yet you still dislike them, chances are they stir some kind of insecurity or uncertainty deep in yourself. Perhaps they reflect a trait you dislike about yourself. Perhaps you envy them for something."

That might have been the best clever retort to the asshole--"I'm honored that you envy me." Would have gone way over his head though.