When Should One Detach with Love?
A few examples of how I have applied this concept across a broad spectrum of relationships
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This essay began as a long reply in a back-and-forth comment thread between me and my wonderful new friend and mentee Priyanka Priyadarshini. In the short time we have worked together, her stories have gained much depth. She makes me very proud and I am very fond of her.
Two days ago ILLUMINATION published this story of hers.¹
Priyanka’s story poses many questions that too many people have to wrestle with, such as:
If you love someone and they don’t love you back and you are still loving them?
Let me tell you,
It is not LOVE. It is WORSHIP. [I commented that it might be infatuation and referred to this great piece, Infatuation, Five Devious Syllables by Ulf Wolf]
How does it feel to love someone endlessly and not receive even an inch of it?
What could be the reasons people remain in unrequited love and how to cope with it?
Priyanka lists and expands articulately upon these reasons: 1) Self-doubt and low self-esteem, 2) Hope, 3) Denial, 4) Excuses, and 5) Illusions.
Priyanka states:
People don’t understand the simple fact that trying to love someone excessively or sacrificing everything to be with them will likely have negative consequences and won’t necessarily lead to the love you hope for.
If you or a friend or a loved are or may one day be faced with this, I urge you to read the entire essay.
I commented:
As many of your points dance around, one who stays in unrequited love is a codependent who does not have enough self love to maintain autonomy. One can detach with love from the other person. People think they need to stay attached to respect the love. That is problematic thinking and too much self-sacrifice.
