Yes but that does not change my thoughts but encourages me to clarify them for you and other readers.

These passages from other essays of mine might provide more clarity and connect the dots between what you just said. I note that the concept of the throw away life was not one that I came up with--it was part of a channeled meeting with my guides.

I wrote this just a few months after my awakening:

"There is no hell — there is essentially purgatory, sort of known as the cellar of Heaven — for some people there is Hell on Earth to pay for having been really bad in their last life — this, for example is my father — I do not know what he did in his last life that this life is hell for him — but his soul agreed to it — and he cannot do anything in this life to move up the ladder in Heaven — and one of the things my soul agreed to was the pain to which he has purposely subjected me — purposely because that was the role his soul and my soul agreed to — the contract does not require me to continue to endure the pain...."

I wrote these more refined thoughts 9 months later in my Life is School for the Soul:

When a soul so completely screws up its previous lifecycle its penance is to come back to earth for the sole purpose of living the entire lifecycle in agony. My father’s soul needed to live a throw-away life to pay whatever karmic debt he previously amassed, and I needed a torturer for this lifecycle’s lesson-plan, so we were a match made in heaven.

Rather than do the best he could by me given his narcissism, my father purposely sought to psychologically bury me due to his borderline-personality-fear-of-abandonment, which manifests as perverse jealousy of the love between me and my mother (see Darlene Lancer’s story The Bane of Sons of Narcissistic Fathers).

How is being given free rein to be a diabolical asshole punishment? It is widely accepted that to varying degrees narcissists lack empathy. Empathy is one way in which a soul can communicate with the consciousness in which it has incarnated. By incarnating in a person devoid of empathy, the soul has no control over the human. The soul’s punishment is to live an entire lifecycle watching itself live without an ounce of spirituality and with no ability to do anything about it. The soul has a conscience, so as one bad act after another is committed by its human, the agony builds and builds waiting for death to release it. Hell on earth.

This realization brought me back to a text-versation I had with my father late this past Spring about a month before I permanently broke off relations with him..., wherein I was doing the worst one can do to a narcissist — relentlessly exposing him. He kept denying and digging his heels in deeper and then, for a moment, I read the energy of an entirely different entity. This entity calmly and with sadness asked me to leave him alone. I realized at that moment that my torture had lead to the momentary emergence of my dad’s soul, pleading with me to stop. I did, and his soul retreated to his prison inside the subconscious of a monster.

So, canceling my father was an unintended act of spiritual kindness on my part, as by completely cutting the cord, at least his soul no longer has to witness me being tortured and has the solace of knowing that I now stand as a man, tall on my own two feet. Life-lesson’s mission accomplished."