Are the rules of society about connection or, putting aside rules that are about control by power structures, are the rules of society about cooperation, and did our desire to join societies evolve to foster connection or as methods of obtaining sustenance evolved from hunting and gathering to cultivation, both of crops and domesticated animals, did the need for rules and societies co-evolve for reasons having nothing to do with emotional connection? I'll get back to this.

All your points about trauma and repressed emotions are spot on. A couple of years ago, Diana C., the owner of Know Thyself, Heal Thyself, issued 50 prompts for self-reflection. https://medium.com/know-thyself-heal-thyself/50-questions-for-deep-self-reflection-8b42fbdba218 Prompts 12 and 13 were: "How can you become more mindful of the way you handle composure vs. emotional expression?" and "How can practicing feeling your feelings fully, even when it is deeply uncomfortable, benefit you?" Your essay responds very well to these questions. I answered them with a poem titled Of Emotional Intelligence. My poem includes these stanzas:

"Emotions evolutionary prize
other animals may indeed have souls
Feelings allow spirits to realize
Goal of elevating on totem poles
Humans to achieve our intended roles
Feelings spiritually guide egos
Persuade others with ethos and pathos
Here’s an oxymoron to consider
EQ incorporates lots of logos
This concludes dizain portion of dinner

Time for an imayo course, of intense EQ
Do not pursue happiness — it and sadness both fleet
Contentment is where you’ll find, serene state of mind
Allow emotions to flow, return there lest blow

Please understand the stoics, don't push feelings down
The word does not reflect roots, Marcus A. rolls eyes
Do not get carried away, yet please deeply feel
If you lava dome feelings, end up like Pompei"

Regarding your "being disconnected is at the root of trauma," yes, maybe, and/or is trauma the root of many disconnections and also the root of addictions of all sorts? Some believe that the root cause of addiction is attachment trauma that disconnected us from our first core relationships and our authentic self. I posit in my Drilling Down to the Root Cause of Addiction (https://medium.com/p/7c57c5a3fd6c), that the root cause "is a life out of alignment with one’s core purpose. The root cause of addiction is an intense conflict between one’s conscious mind and one’s subconscious — if you believe in souls, between one’s human side and one’s spirit." In other words and connecting this back, Christopher, to your excellent essay, lack of connection to one's authentic self.

Further connecting this with your essay, you wrote:

"To reconnect with your authentic self, you have to spend a lot of time in your own shadow digging around. You have to look into your past and learn to be comfortable with discomfort. You have to be comfortable enough with your feelings to know what’s happening inside you when they stir up. You have to accept it and process it, and then you have to deal with that and figure out what role you played in it." That precisely describes the process of Steps 4 and 5 of a 12-step program. Unfortunately, 12-Step programs have devolved into ego-strokes for "dry drunks" and cultures of shame that lead to repeated relapses. I touch on that in my earlier linked essay on addiction and address it head-on in my https://marcus17043.medium.com/efficacy-of-12-step-programs-for-addiction-treatment-c111fbffc10a subtitled Groups and treatment centers must alter their “sit down, shut up, and listen” approach and remove the absolute abstinence requirement that is not found in the Big Book or the 12 and 12. I am not against abstinence. That’s up to the individual. I oppose the insistence that members must immediately practice abstinence in order to fully avail themselves of the program, which leads to the cycles of endless relapses or giving up entirely.

The Creators of AA did not require abstinence as a prerequisite to following the steps. They believed that the spiritual awakening that would result from the steps would solve substance abuse disorders.

Let’s remove the abstinence requirement so those that cling to their substances will still proceed on a spiritual journey. When they achieve awakening, they will lose their obsession with substances.

Abstinence does not lead to awakening. Awakening quells the obsession.

So, I said that I would get back to my initial comments about societal rules and connection. There is tension between the concepts of the freedom to be an individual and the requirements of functioning together as units whether those units are families, communities, societies, countries, etc. That tension needs to be resolved with balance. One can be a non-conformist and a functioning member of society. On the other hand, often one cannot conform and maintain their authenticity. For discussions of those points, you may see my Nonconformists Are Not Rebels, But we are evolutionaries (https://medium.com/p/fdacdb633a58) and my https://marcus17043.medium.com/i-meet-kierkegaard-nietzsche-ortega-and-archangels-in-a-bar-b56233dae748.

I checked the box to publish this comment to my profile. I hope my subscribers click the Medium-generated link at the top and read and benefit from your excellent essay, which I found my way to from Francisco Iglesias’s feature (https://medium.com/p/f4f9532bde4e#7097).