I had a channeled (yes I use a psychic--the same one for 13 years--she's wonderful https://medium.com/illumination/i-have-had-a-beautiful-relationship-with-one-very-reputable-psychic-medium-channeler-since-2010-6866a99ef1ca) conversation with my spirit guides a couple of years ago and they assured me that I was reaching who needed to be reached even if my stats didn't show engagement--perhaps the person I helped didn't feel like clapping or commenting. I never had any illusions or delusions of earning a living on Medium so that definition of success never was on the table. Regarding the top highlight that follows these words I highlighted, for me it's a mix of healing, helping others heal, and writing what I want to say that I feel needs to be said when I have something to say, and it's often based on my personal experience and so many losses about which I write with extreme vulnerability https://medium.com/know-thyself-heal-thyself/losses-217380d2da9b (my friend's suicide, my lover's accidental OD passing from her naively ending up with a fentanyl-laced pill, another friend's OD, all of the above from being as sick as the secrets they kept--so that right there is a strong argument for vulnerability), my own experiences in AA of which I am not a fan because it has devolved into cultures of almost cult-like groupthink and shaming, https://marcus17043.medium.com/efficacy-of-12-step-programs-for-addiction-treatment-c111fbffc10a but I am a huge fan of steps 4, 5, 8, 9, and 10, and I think every human could benefit from the spiritual wisdom of those steps and high schools should introduce those concepts.

On the relationship level, I have always been very vulnerable and I have been taken advantage of but that's because I didn't choose wisely whom I fell for in my quest for love but that has not put me into a shell. I know that the love I seek requires intimacy of the into-me-see variety.